We open in a movie house , where two guy are arguing about cell sound etiquette . This discussion is perhaps the only vaguely naturalistic element of tonight ’s episode , which is by far the dumb CSI : Cyber installment yet , and yes , I am mindful that is a bold statement .
The outrage screen light is n’t coming from a headphone , but from an iPad … . attached to a dud hidden in the dramatic art . A very heedful usher forthwith sees it and starts running around with it as the countdown clock ticks upward . When it get to 200 , it explodes , RIP usher . Why 200 ? Why not , my CyberHeads ! severely though , everything in this episode is either arbitrary , illogical , or just previous - fashioned stupe . Our dauntless team of Cyber police detective led by Special Agent Avery Ryan ( played , as always , by Oscar Winner ™ Patricia Arquette ) are on the scene . Reformed black hat hacker and noted vest enthusiast Nelson explicate that the bomber sent text messages to the great unwashed in the theatre .
Each earphone got a text with the word KABOOM ! and a menacing internet 1.0 bomb graphic because when you ’re indirectly using someone ’s sound as a murder weapon it ’s best to
a ) lease them know and
b ) use all crownwork to predicate urgency .
bemused yet ? Do n’t concern , Mundo will explain . “ This was crowdsourcing , ” he says , about a ugly bombing attack carried out by a lonely agent . “ Every time the tablet link to a speech sound , the issue ticktock up . ”
But how did the iPad connect to the telephone ? Did the iPad use iMessage or a free texting app ? Was it using data point or Wi - Fi ? exclude up ! Mundo does not elaborate .
Krumitz , Mundo , and Nelson crowdsource some 3D imaging by cobble together all of the picture study on cell phones prior to the bombing so that they can recreate a hologram - y representation of the blowup . Somehow they do this in , like , two hours , and it ’s very elaborate and exact . It ’s impressive ! Almost too impressive .
this room would be a queasy place to hold a terpsichore company tho
They agnise that the iPad knockout drive subsist the explosion and is now deposit in a corpse , so Mundo roll up over to the morgue and casually removes the hard drive engraft in one of the dead dupe ’ peel .
lol i enquire if Katie Holmes catch this
This is a confusing plotline because , like , why would the hard thrust continue intact when it was centimetre aside from the turkey ? Everything else blew up . iPad hard effort are n’t like black box on plane , right ?
what are you doing to me , show
( authoritative UPDATE : A commenter just convey to my care that iPads do n’t even have hard drives , which is kind of mortifying that I did n’t notice that as a recapper but think of how much more sticky it must be to be a CSI : Cyber author . )
Back in the office but regrettably not in the nerveless Matrix 3D room , Ramirez tells Avery and Sifter to “ check out this web site , it ’s sheer like crazy on ToggleFly FriendAgenda . ”
It ’s called CrowdBomber.com , and it autoplays video recording of the bombing with an ominous voiceover about how society ’s engineering dependency is the reason why the bombing befall .
sick SEO
“ Our target is using pageviews on a website to make the public responsible for the next explosion , ” Avery says , fulfilling the instalment ’s quota for heavy - handed and denotative plot summarizing by a female lead .
talk of tech savvy , Sifter , who is the head of the Cybercrimes Division , has this solid man of advice about the bombing internet site : “ That URL can not remain online ! ”
Then he wants to alert the public to tell masses to avoid the land site . Avery is like , beef , have you not heard of the Streisand Effect . Sifter has n’t hear of anything because he ’s lawfully big a his job .
They correct the only way to shut the internet site down is to break away through the firewall .
unluckily , the firewall is heavy as hell to crack . “ Whoever set this up has unhinged acquirement , ” Krummy says .
It was n’t the bomber who set the firewall up . It was a black hat hacker , and Avery has a ~personal connection~ with him . turn out Nelson is n’t the first black lid hack Avery has “ saved ” which we let out via flashbacks . You know it ’s a flashback because Avery has long hair .
Five years earlier , Avery take a chance on an unsung kid name Tobin ( who looks like Brendan Fraser and Michael Pitt had a louche , pettish baby ) but he ended up betraying the unit by trying to sell FBI secrets on the dark web and is now in Sociopath Jail .
Krumitz uses Mundo ’s filthy dead soundbox intemperate drive to trace the iPad back to where it was first turned on , which Mundo speculation may be the bomber ’s house . But crack , it ’s a trap . The zep somehow knew that the Cyber squad would be capable to figure out where he first turned his iPad on .
As penalty , the bomber tells them via utterer that the next bomb will go off at 750,000 clicks or else of 1 million , apparently not care that it ’ll completely dick with his entanglement dealings ad revenue , skillful portion gettin a job at Gawker.com you idiot ! ! ! !
Nelson and Avery go to visit Tobin to find out how to decode the site . He ’ll only do it if he can type the encryption key himself . Tobin has a hatred bloomer for Nelson because he ’s his replacement .
“ How long do you cerebrate you’re able to deny the thirst , Nelson , ” Tobin says , like a total creep . Tobin ! Why are you such a forged semen ? Tobin nearly creams his drawers when they countenance him touch a keyboard .
password is ‘ horny4keyboards ’
Thanks to Evil Tobin , the team figures out how to get into the land site and incur the bomber ’s location , because apparently dude is impertinent enough to project out how to remotely use other peoples ’ phones to detonate a artillery but he forgot to download Tor .
Mundo leads a SWAT team to Miles , the full - o’-contradictions bomber , who plainly works in an old - timey mannequin shop , hate technology , and and is basically mentally sick Jonathan Franzen , but fuck him , because Mundo shoots him before he has a probability to be anything other than Generic Luddite Enthusiast and then nobody ever really stops to marvel why a dandy on the face of it so against technology would employ such a twisty , mellow - tech method acting of murdering multitude .
Anyways , the bomber is dead but his machine is still set to blow up when his pageviews hit 750,000 . Krumitz and Nelson figure out that the site uses Internet Relay Chat to trigger explosions .
Sifter , who again , is the HEAD of the FBI ’s Cybercrimes Division , does n’t cognize what IRC is because he “ does n’t speak automaton . ”
garbage
The final dud is localise to go off at an EDM show hosted by a cell telephone set company , but ostensibly the CSI : Cyber writers did not irritate search what EDM sounds like , because we ’re treat to a concert setting where what I can only delineate as other 2000s calypso - techno lift music is bet .
This is where things get really aggressively stupid . So a supposedly elite FBI building block is cognisant that there is a lively bomb calorimeter at a crowded event . So obviously they do n’t bother evacuating the concert until just before the bomb calorimeter is about to go off , or alerting the venue that there is almost definitely a bomb about to go off in their establishment that night . ( “ At 735,000 views I ’ll call the bomb squad , ” Krummy , who has not been trained to disarm bombs yet but who has somehow been dispatched as one of two initial bomb calorimeter investigators , says in a crew full of people in a room with a resilient bomb . )
Once they incur the bomb , they finally evacuate — but or else of , oh , I dunno , permit a dud squad do its chore , Mundo and Krummy resolve to ride the bomb around until they figure out what to do .
At that point , someone decides to DDoS attack the site so it get through 750,000 sooner . The situation looks bad for our lovable but , frankly , inept friends Mundo and Krumitz . But then … they settle to nobble up the iPad to the SUV they ’re driving around in , so they can drain the bombardment so the bomb does n’t go off .
They manage to drain the battery at the last arcsecond , and clenched fist protrusion , and do n’t say a GODDAMN thing about the fact that all they needed to do the total panic time was drain the battery to defuse it .
Cheeselights
Shad Moss Vest Watch : A stunning gray and empurpled jazz band on display !
I ’m still rummy about the garb code , why is Krummy allowed to chill in flannel but most other people are in full on business dress ?
horrifying Explainer Graphic of the Episode :
reach out to the generator at[email protected].Public PGP keyPGP fingerprint : FF8F 0D7A AB19 6D71 C967 9576 8C12 9478 EE07 10C
CSI : CyberHackersrecaps
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